We all have insecurities, right? Things we hesitate to admit or let people see?
For me it’s the way the way my thumb wiggles when I write, it’s my ever-growing list of crushes around town: coffee guy, bike shop boy, band boy… and it’s the five minutes I spent this morning trying to wrap a hair tie around a quarter twisted in my skirt between my legs so I could wear a dress and ride a bike.
A lot of my insecurities take me back to moments that still make me cringe in embarrassment. For example, my college history class.
Some of you reading will remember one particular professor’s “question of the day.” (I hope he doesn’t read this…) At the beginning of every class, he would ask a pop-culture, not-class-related, opinion-based question often phrased like an objective answer existed.
I was always nervous about these questions because our history prof was cool, and, well, I’m not.
He would call names in different ways — alphabetical, reverse alphabetical, random, in swirls around the classroom… I would be panicking, trying to come up with a cool answer so he wouldn’t make fun of me.
Most of the time I gave a good-enough answer that earned me mild praise or at least spared me humiliation, but on two days I failed.
The topics: Best romantic comedy and Best summer band
My answers: Fever Pitch and Dave Matthews Band
He hated these answers so much that he threw his dry erase marker across the room.
I will admit that I don’t actually consider either of those the “best” of anything, but I do like them both.
I’d rather listen to George Ezra or St. Lucia or Small Black while cruising down the PCH, but I would also be happy to listen to some Dave Matthews. Sorry Dr. vV.
And given a few years to think about it… I still can’t pick the best romantic comedy of all time. I would list Crazy, Stupid Love, Pretty Woman, Sabrina and countless others before Fever Pitch though. Honestly, I think I said Fever Pitch because I had just watched it — I have a short term memory.
But you know what? I like Fever Pitch. I know it’s crappy, but I like it. It has a goofy male lead who gets the girl in an over-dramatic, unrealistic display of romance and they end up together. When it ends, I’m smiling.
And the fact that I gave those answers in those moments… it says a lot about me. I like crappy rom coms and feel-good music. I can’t think of movie, band or tv show titles under pressure. I don’t have strong pop-cultural preferences. I have short term memory.
None of those things are good or bad, they’re just me. And I like me.